


Saturday nights are for fighting

by Hobnob69



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Eddie is a small little man and Richie is a freakishly large goliath, Home of phobia, M/M, Mentions of cheese and onion pasties, Tw: Yorkshire accent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 12:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20815526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobnob69/pseuds/Hobnob69
Summary: When Eddie Kaspbrack reluctantly agrees to attend a dorm party, he finds himself face to face with the one person he didn’t want to see. Richie Tozier.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration for this fic came to me when I was at the movie theatre watching. IT chapter two. I started writing straight away, much to the dismay of the other movie-goers. It was a good movie, but it could of done with a lot more clowns. Like it’s a movie about clowns and you only have one evil clown? Wig.
> 
> Anyway enjoy.

When Eddie Kaspbrak found out he had gotten into university, he never really pictured himself attending parties. He was there to study. And just maybe even puff a blunt of weed, but mostly study.

But there he was, stood in the kitchen of some strangers dorm, sipping a bottle of koppaberg and eyeing down a packet of cheese strings that he was too shy to ask for. They looked fucking delicious and Eddie hadn’t eaten in weeks on account of being a uni student.

He tore his eyes away from the cheese strings and looked around the room. He didn’t really know who any of these people were, except for maybe Bill who was in his liberal arts class. He was a bit of a player and got plenty of clunge on the regular.

Bill wouldn’t have any trouble asking for a cheese string Eddie. You virgin weakling.

Eddie took one more cautionary sip of his koppaberg and went over to bill, hoping he could strike up a conversation and make the night a bit more tolerable. 

“Hey bill” Eddie slurred. He was absolutely smashed because he’d had half a bottle of koppaberg. Absolute madman.

“Oh shit you’re that little germ boy from my class. Freddie.” Bill said perfectly with no stutter (I headcannon that in the original IT movies, bill was faking his stutter.)

“I’m not a massive fan of germs” Eddie admitted, taking out some disinfectant cream and slathering it all over his elbows as to not catch scabies. “My names Eddie fucknut you’ll do well to remember that next time.”

Bill rolled his eyes, pounding a bottle of vodka like the chad he was. He had a pretty girl attached to his arm. Eddie had seen her before because she worked at Morrison’s. Her name was Bev and she was ginger so Eddie imagined she was going to have a hard time at uni.

“Bro are you d-drunk? You’ve only ha-had like one bottle of koppaberg.” (I’ve changed my mind. my comment about bills stutter was insensitive in hindsight he probably wasn’t faking it.)

“Half a bottle actually my mum says if I have too much my spleen will melt.”

Bill nodded not really listening because Eddie was boring and really small. Bill was big and muscular so he didn’t register the small boys tiny voice in his jacked ear canals.

“F̷-f-F̕͟rë̢͘d̕͝d̶i̷͡e͡͞—̧̛͡-̡͢ ҉̷w̛͜e̷͡ ̵̡͜n̢͘-҉҉̴ne̵̢̢e͠ ͏̨̡d̵̡ t̨͜͜ ̶ơ̵ ̴̨҉g͡-̵͏ ͜͡e͘͟t ̶̧͘—҉҉̧y̴̧ ̀o̢͡ ̸̡͞u̧͟ l̢-̢a҉҉i̢d.͢.” Bill stuttered.

“What” Eddie said.

“Freddie we need to get you laid.” Bill said eloquently.

“Oh” Eddie said. “No I don’t like the sound of that what if I catch chlamydia or influenza.”

Bev laughed heartily, much like Santa, her short ginger hair dangling down over her forehead greasily. Disgusting. 

“Oh Eddie, you’re at university. Live a little.” She said in a Yorkshire accent, munching down on a cheese and onion pastie that she produced from her front pocket. Eddie wondered how long it had been sitting in there. “I’m sure there are lots of girls here that are into tiny feeble men.”

Eddie shuddered at the thought of being straight. As far as he was concerned, liking girls should be illegal. They were always wearing earrings and buying things. Fucking disgusting.

“Beverly I’m gay you fucking cumslut.” Eddie snarled, his tiny hands balling into fists. “And I don’t need to get laid I need a cheese string but I’m too terrified to ask anyone!”

“You can have a cheese string Edds.”

Eddie heard a voice pipe up behind him. Was someone really letting him have a cheese string? He cautiously turned around to put a face to the voice.

Before him was a tall greasy gangly black haired boy with Peter griffin-esque glasses and a shirt that read #virginityRocks in comic sans. Frankly he was clapped but anyone who was willing to give up their cheese strings was at least somewhat nice. Eddie could of sworn they were in the same class together.

“Thanks. Do I know you?” He said snarfing down the strings of cheese. This was the most calcium he’d gotten in ages and it was doing wonders for his crumbly bones.

“This is my dorm where did you think you were?” The tall boy said, crossing his arms sassily.

“I don’t know I just wander in random dorm parties sometimes.” Eddie admitted.

“Right well I’m Richie and I said you could have ONE cheese string you’ve almost eaten the entire pack.” Richie said, shaking his head, towering over the tiny small boy. “I’ll let it slide because you lent me a pencil one time in liberal arts class.”

Eddie scratched his chin and hmmmmed. Yeah he could recall something like that. He recounted accidentally brushing fingers with the stranger and screaming loudly, then spending the next three hours disinfecting his hand.

“Yeah I know you. You almost gave me a disease when I gave you that pencil. It’s bad enough I have to sit next to liberal arts students but to touch them? You really crossed the line.”

Richie rolled his eyes and looked over to bill, promptly giving him a wicked fist bump that ended with a jumping high five. Beverly stood there awkwardly watching the whole exchange go down.

“This you’re friend bill?”

“N-not really I’ve never m-m-met him in my life.” Bill lied, leaning down on the table next to him cooly.

Richie nodded and looked over to Eddie, giving him a small wink and snatching back the packet of cheese strings before Eddie could polish them off. Eddie made a noise of protest but decided in the interest of politeness, he wouldn’t try to deck him in the face. 

“It was nice meeting you properly Eddie. Maybe we can talk again in liberal arts class without you running away screaming. That would be nice.” 

“Fat chance, and I want my pencil back you never returned-“

“Great bye.” Richie said ruffling eddies hair with his greasy teenage hand before sauntering away into a large crowd of people. Much like a gazelle retreating to the forest, except the gazelle was a 6ft man, and had a shirt that said #VirginityRocks.

“Can you believe that guy??” Eddie said turning to bill who was still pretending he didn’t know who Eddie was. 

“That’s just Richie, don’t mind him. He’s a bit of a spanner.” Bev chimed in. Not that anyone really asked her. After all, she was a girl.

“Right, well I think Richie will do well to stay out of my way or he will feel the wrath of my mighty fists.” Eddie seethed, his tiny body vibrating with rage. 

“You’re in h-his dorm. Y-y-you came here willingly.” 

Bill did have a point. Still, his hair had been ruffled and he was slightly sexually frustrated, which made him angry. 

Eddie swore if he ever saw Richie Tozier again, he would get that pencil back. And maybe thank him for the cheese strings. 

He also swore to take ten showers because Richie looked like he probably had lice, and his hand had made contact with eddies scalp.


	2. The force awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I headcannon that Mike has a porn addiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just found out Steven king has eczema??? omg I hope he’s okay such a difficult thing to go through 😔❤️

Eddie woke to his alarm clock with a yawn. ‘Another day another slay’ he thought to himself thoughtfully, buttoning up his Thomas the tank engine shirt and sliding into a pair of Gucci flip flops.

His roommate, mike, looked on in horror as he watched his naked roommate get changed in front of him. 

“Can you do that in the other room Eddie?” Mike said, utterly revolted with the small boys body. “Also why are you dressing so smart today.”

“No reason.” Eddie lied like the bastard he was. Truth was for the first time ever he had a good reason to go to liberal arts class. He was going to get his pencil back from Richie Tozier, class clown and all around tosspot.

Eddie cackled manically at the thought of exacting revenge on the tall sweaty boy. He would get that pencil back, and Eddie would be damned if he didn’t look sexy doing it. Just picturing Richie handing it over with his head hung in shame almost made Eddie jizz a little.

“Ight imma head out.” He said, grabbing his disinfectant spray for the inevitably someone would try to touch him. Mike didn’t really care, he was reading a porno mag and scratching his belly button so he was pretty preoccupied.

When Eddie got to class, he was fashionably early. In fact he was 4 hours early. In his haste to get his pencil back, he’d forgotten it was 5 in the morning. No matter. Eddie would spend his time coming up with rude nicknames for Richie.

Richie Toes-ier  
Bitchie Tozier  
Michie foe....sier....

Eddie scratched his forehead, he really couldn’t think of any more. Not that that really mattered because 4 hours had passed and people were starting to pour into the classroom, including the professor.

Benny Wise was a tall man with a very white face and rosy cheeks. He had a balding head and tufts of ginger hair that reminded him a lot of Beverly’s own disgusting locks.

People often compared him to a clown but Eddie reasoned most liberal arts professors probably looked like that.

“Hello Eddie.” Professor Wise said as he was making his way down to his desk, stopping momentarily to give a yellow grin to the boy. “Thought about my offer?”

Benny Wise had been really persistent in trying to get him to stay after class for extra help. Eddie wondered if he was a nonce or something, but then again, it could be because of Eddies severe dyslexia.

“No professor Wise. I’m good thanks.” Eddie said shooing him along. He was only really half listening to the foolish clown man because he was keeping an eye out for Richie, waiting for the perfect moment to call him a rude name and get his bloody pencil back.

“You smell so good Eddie.” The professor commented as he usually did. “Me and my wife Penny Wise would love to have you for dinner.” He said rubbing his hands together and licking his lips reassuringly.

“Outta my way pedo.” Eddie said, pushing him aside so he could get a better view of the doorway. Mr Wise finally took the hint and made his way down the stairs to his desk, his big clown shoes squeaking as he walked.

Finally Richie sauntered in, taking his usual seat in front of Eddie. Everything was falling into place. The small boy gave Richie a tap on the shoulder. He didn’t even care about Richies diseased skin, Eddie was too pumped full of adrenaline. 

“Hey BITCHIE (nice one) remember me?”

Richie turned around, face scrunched in confusion. God he was even more unattractive than at the party. He stank of bong water and algae. Yet, Eddie still managed to get slightly turned on. Probably all the adrenaline.

“Yeah I know you. Cheese string boy.” He said, brushing off the soul crushing nickname. “What’s up Freddie.”

Eddie seethed. ‘What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up’ he thought angrily grinding his teeth together. Richies indifference only made him more pissed off. 

“MY PENCIL RICHIE. WHERES MY PENCIL.” 

“Right here.” The tall boy said, handing it over almost immediately, giving Eddie a quick wink. “It took me so long to return because it was up my ass.”

Eddie gasped. The insolence! If the pencil had indeed been up Richie’s rectum, Eddie now had ass residue all over his hands. He flung the pencil across the classroom sounding a shrill scream.

“You fucker. You have yet to see the true extent of my power. You think you can treat me like that? When I’ve disinfected my hand, I will smite you with the power of A THOUSAND storms with the rage of a POUNCING LION. TEETH BARED. I will rip into you like TISSUE PAPER. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU HEAR ME? NOTHING.”

“Nah I was just messing.” Richie giggled “it hasn’t been up my ass.”

“Oh.” Eddie said embarrassed. “Sorry about all those mean things I said before. That was really out of line.”

“That’s ok edds. I used to get worse from my mother.” 

“That’s a relief.” Eddie chuckled, hardly noticing that the lecture had started and everyone was waiting them to shut the fuck up. He looked around apologetically, especially to the classmate he had thrown a pencil at. He took out his notebook and piped down.

The lecture wasn’t out of the ordinary, but the professor wouldn’t stop licking students. Eddie reasoned it must be a liberal arts thing. Still, he couldn’t concentrate. Every now and then a mop of grimy black hair would enter his field of vision. 

His heart would flutter With rage and his forehead would drip with sweat, which was grossing out Bill who was sat right next to him.

“Oh s-shit that’s disgusting you-you’re oozing all over my p-paper.” Bill said, snatching away his work and moving a seat over.

“I can’t help it...it’s all this rage I have inside me.” 

Eddie knew this couldn’t go on. He needed to get his feelings sorted out so he could participate in the liberal arts class to the best of his ability. After all, Liberal arts really was the most important subject, and it required his full attention. Plus on top of that he had wicked bad dyslexia.

Just then, he saw Richie slip a note to his table. Eddie cautiously opened it, and read its contents. 

Hey Eddie,   
Can you shut the fuck up back there, I’m trying to work.  
Kind regards, Richie.

In that moment Eddie knew what he needed to do.

He needed to murder Richie Tozier. (And then frame Beverly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter Eddie does crack cocaine

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter I’ll introduce penny wise as the cool hip liberal arts professor that is secretly a cannibal.


End file.
